I'm not really a procrastinator per se. I only procrastinate on things I don't want…
The God and I that I’m talking about is not the whole 3 in 1 Godhead here. I’m talking specifically about the Big Boss of them all – God the Father. And that is who He is to me – My Father!
We have the full range of father-daughter relationship from babyhood to my current stage of ‘hopefully past adolescence’, now in early adulthood.
I like to think I’m an adult in my physical life. As a wife and mother in her late late thirties, I should be.
But you see ehn, when it comes to me and God, maturity comes slow. I’ve thrown far more temper tantrums at him than my toddler can in ten lifetimes. It’s been long years of – “I want! And I want NOW!” (throw in the foot stamping and full on screaming fit)
All I can say is God is infinitely more patient with me than I am with my son.
Now imagine a hundred million of us throwing this same sulky selfish petulance at Him, every single hour! Over things that are not good nor right for us o. Like your toddler throwing a temper tantrum because you won’t allow him stick his finger in the wall socket. Wooow, I think we can all agree we owe Him a lifetime of father’s days. And it still won’t be enough.
I’m now at a stage where I can honestly say ‘Not my will, but yours be done’. Know what got me there? TRUST! I had to get to that stage where I can truly trust His love for me, His good plans for me and His power and ability to fulfill those plans.
It wasn’t easy. In this world of repeated betrayals and being let down by people we see and trust, it is hard, very hard to trust a God we cannot see, especially when we see bad things happening to people who apparently believe and trust in Him. We have built up walls and defenses, knowing we can count only on ourselves. No one else.
It was certainly not easy for a little Miss Independent like myself. But I had lots of help. The most help came from God Himself. He patiently proved Himself to me, again and again and again and again. He didn’t have to. But He did. He always does.
However, getting to trust Him is a two way traffic. I had to do my part too. I had to stay in touch with Him. He was and is always with me, but I wasn’t always with Him. Like that saying ‘If God feels far away, guess who moved’. WE moved. It’s always us. He has never ever ever ever moved away from us. How do I know this? Because everytime I returned back to Him, I always found Him right beside me. And slowly I started to realize He is always with me. And I started to believe He really meant it when He said “I will never leave you nor forsake you”.
But before the trust, I also had to know Him. How do you trust someone you don’t know? – You don’t! It’s as simple as that. You need to get to know Him. So how did I get to know Him? By spending time with Him! There is no other way. It’s like any human relationship, you spend time with acquaintances, even your children and you get to know who they are. The more time you spend with them, the more privy you are to their character and personality. It’s no different with God.
What tells us the most about Him? His Word – the Bible! Many people know only second hand information about God. Like a parent you learn about from a third party. And the sad thing is most of these information come from people who don’t even know God personally.
Don’t do that to yourself. I read the bible. I talked to God, and He answered me. He had been waiting and calling me for so long that when I finally opened the communication lines, He was so delighted.
You can do the same. Just tell Him, “God, I want to get to know you. So I’m going to start reading the bible to do that. This is not the time to play hide and seek, so come out and let’s talk” (or something along that line *tongueout*)
Before you start putting me on a bible-reading-faithfully-getting-to-know-God pedestal, let me give you a reality check. I cannot count how many times I forgot about God totally, talk less of remembering I should get to know Him and read the bible. I went through the whole gamut of zealous-bored-pause-grudgingly-stop-force myself-read-distracted-frustrated-determined-can’t be bothered etc. This cycle spanned years. But I kept returning to it, and that is what really matters. So, don’t give up. It’s really worth it.
The best thing you can ever do for yourself is getting to know Him. He already knows you so it’s your turn now. I can tell you from personal experience there is nothing more worth it. But don’t take my word for it. Test it out yourself – Get to know Him!